Before I dedicate my time to writing this blog, I want you to get to know me a little better.
who I am
My name is Niklas Zeeb, I'm an ordinary 20 year old student. I currently study computer-science. Besides that, I love working out and learning about myself and life.What brought me here - my motivation for change
So far so good, but what am I doing here? Why does a 20 year old student suddenly decide to write a blog? And What is this all about?First of all, I want to tell you a little bit of my life-story. Once you understand the way that I used to look at life, you will also understand the purpose of this blog.
With this blog, I hope to help other people fulfill their expectations when it comes to themselves personally. I hope to keep growing and spread word about working on ones self as in my opinion this is one of the most important things in life and very few people discovered this for themselves.
I want to further teach myself and spread the word about how one can get total control over one's mind. How do I get things done and never forget to do them? How do I stop procrastinating? What is the best approach to understanding how I learn? How can I master myself?
The way our society works today is that we are so focused on all the things that are around us - fast cars, big houses, great jobs, beautiful men and women - that we completely forget about what is going on inside of us.
We completely forget about our own feelings - emotions because everything else seems to be way more important. And to be fair, thats the message our society is trying to communicate, so its very hard to escape that cycle.
Often times as a result we get depressed. Depressed about our live because we dont achieve the things that we think we need so badly. We seek happiness in things like sex,drugs and other external stimula because we became to believe that that is what true happiness is, but once those moments fade away, we feel empty, almost back to depressed.
My personal struggles - how anxiety-disorder destroyed my life
For most of my life, I felt miserably. Not physically, but mentally. At some point I became to undertand that I had a very bad anxiety disorder. I have always felt a bit weird when I was younger, but I thought it was just because I was unexperienced - young - and there was so much ahead of me and it would eventually just fade away.No. It did not. When I was 18, I was facing the harsh truth. I had a strong social-phobia. I was afraid of stepping outside of the house, as I feared other people watching and judging me.
I felt horribly weird whenever I was not with a close friend or a close companion that I could rely on to take the spotlight. I felt exposed to other people.
Now, having such fears might not sound that big of a deal to some people, but for those that have social anxiety or an anxiety disorder, they will be able to relate to this. Every step you take is accompanied by fear. I remember those days when my mother told me to get some groceries the day after.
For 15 hours, I would be scared shitless. I was going through this scenario in my head. Clearly molding out a story in my mind, where I would park my car, how I would walk, how I would talk, what words I would say and so on.
Rationally speaking, of course this does not make any sense. But a person that deals with this can not just "chill out" or "think less". It was there, it is there, and it was something that still is and especially was holding me back in life a lot.
Everytime I would go out like this, I would be stressed out completely after that. Once I had to do something that I was not completely in my comfort-zone with, I got incredibly scared, my vision got blurry and i got a strong pain in my stomach.
On top of my social anxiety, I was a very negative and depressed person. I was never happy with what I had, always going for more and very rarely showing gatitude. I made a huge deal out of it when even the smallest things went wrong and I usually stressed myself out with everything on my hands. Everything was 'too much to handle', I got depressed a lot and saw negativity where there was something to judge.
What If I told you now that I got to a point where my brain automatically sees the positive in things? Where it literally is looking for a positive aspect of every event that I am experiencing?
What If I told you that I got to a point where my social-anxiety rarely ever appears in my life? Where I live a life in my own small appartment, going out alone to buy groceries and walking through the city - something I thought was impossible for me.
What If I told you that YOU can also start thinking positively, learn something from every event that you experience in YOUR life and grow towards becoming the person that you want to become?
You would probably say that sounds great. And so did I.
At one point in my life, my social anxiety, depression and negativity (and many other problems on top) turned so badly that I had to make a choice. A lot of people would have given up, but for as long as there is a way to change - and I truely believe there always is a way to change - there is no giving up. No matter how hard it would be, I decided to take the hard route and confront my problems and change as a person.
Today, I can proudly say that getting into personal development was the greatest decision I have ever made. I had no clue about this 'niche' and I am very sad about the fact that it is still such a small thing in society.
what we most need to do - take a look inside
Very few people try to live self-actualized lifes even tho the way we look at life is probably the most important component to a happy life. In the end, thats what all is for. Happiness. Thats why you want that fast car, that great job, that huge house, that beautiful lover. Its because you are convinced that those things will make you happy, even if that is just subconciously.You think youre doing good for yourself pursuing those things, however often times we have to take a look into our mind and be honest about what we see.
Getting into personal development, changing yourself and becoming greater as a person is by no means easy. It probably is the hardest thing you can do. I have never and I will never claim that I am perfect, that I am an expert and a master when it comes to controlling my emotions, throughts and basically my mind. However, I have made progress that in my eyes is absolutely stunning.
Sure, I have invested a lot of time and hard work into this, but its nothing compared to the results that I got. And for me, personally this is very inspiring as I know, I'm only just beginning.
Sometimes these days, as I'm walking around I realize how happy I am. I cant even explain why. I do have a lot of stress in my life due to university, I have appointments and yes, some things go wrong here and there. So did my situation change a lot? No, it did not, I changed.
I decided that I would not let anything outside of my head get inside of there. I decided that I want to live a happy life, a life that I had total control over my mind. Control over working towards my goals as well as my emotions. Gaining control over anger and fears. And that is, what has changed.
And i want YOU to realize this. YOU need to make your own personal decision. What do YOU want in life and how do you get there? And that is exactly what this blog is for. Step by step, I will write about my life, how I approached some of those issues and I sincerely hope that YOU can take something from it. I hope that you will also find the way towards the person that you wish you were.
for your path - making peace
Before I end this first article, I will also note the following. Personal Development and working on yourself does not mean that you will become a person that does not do mistakes. Sooner or later, we all mess up and just so it will happen that you fall into old patterns.Personal Development can be hard. It can be hard to be the only person thinking differently in a group of people and it can be hard being the only person thinking positive when everyone only sees the negative in a certain situation. And right now, I want to tell you that it is okay to make mistakes.
It is okay if you get off your path.
It is only human for that to happen. So instead of getting overly frustrated about falling back into old patterns, understand what actually happened. You just got reminded of how far you already made it, how different you already became.
Accept that, make peace with that and reorientate towards your goals. In the future, we will talk a lot more about understanding failure and making peace with it, but for now, thats about what I wanted to share.
I hope this sets us all up for a great journey, a journey in which we, together, will create the lifes that we want.
Have an amazing day, see you very soon!
Niklas.
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